By the time this issue of Healthcare Finance News is published, the U.S. Supreme Court will have heard arguments on the Affordable Care Act. Since the announcement that the court would take the case, we’ve covered in print and online how the case could play out with the court, as have analysts across the country. Looking for new – slightly off-kilter – perspectives on the much-debated law and case, we’ve reached out to comedians for their take on it.
 Shaun Eli, www.brainchampagne.com - I'd just be happy if those nine old men and women in black robes just declared those hospital gowns unconstitutional. - The new healthcare bill includes a 2.5 percent tax on medical devices. So to save money, my father had his new pacemaker re-classified by AAA as a portable jump-start device. - The new healthcare bill prohibits insurers from charging different rates based on patients' medical histories. Dick Cheney's insurance company has just filed for bankruptcy. |
 Sean Green, www.SeanTGreen.com As a comedian, I lack any sort of necessary legal mind in predicting whether or not the Affordable Care Act will be deemed constitutional, but I'm hoping it doesn't based on a simple government-run agency known as the post office. Whenever you send something through the post office first question they ask is 'would you like delivery confirmation?' Essentially they are trying to up-sell you on a premium service, which is confirming the job they were supposed to do in the first place. You can either get delivery confirmation or 'I don't know. Sometimes stuff gets lost, but we'll give it our best shot.' I'm concerned that eventually we'll be forced to get insurance to make sure our government-mandated health insurance is actually delivered. Florida's Reasons for Fighting the Affordable Care Act: 1. We're not kidding, we have a lot of old people. 2. Skyrocketing cost of gator bites. 3. More health insurance means more doctors, which means an even longer wait for a decent tee time. 4. Trying to hammer down a spring break exclusion act. |
|
Tim Slagle, www.timslagle.com - The Supreme Court expects to hear a full 5 1/2 hours of arguments. It's the first time this has happened in Washington since the Clintons left the White House. - If the Supreme Court finds that it's perfectly constitutional to make Americans buy something, the president will announce his new plan to shore up lagging sales of the Chevy Volt. - Since they will be making a decision on the healthcare choices of Americans, for the first time in history, all nine justices will be appearing in lab coats. - The FDA is also considering action since there have been no clinical trials to prove the Affordable Health Care Act is indeed affordable. |
 Jessica Sager I think the wealthy folks opposing affordable healthcare aren't thinking far ahead. They really need to consider its effects on the zombie apocalypse: we'll be more able to contain the rage virus, and if not, they're going to need the lower-income folk who know to harvest food and fire weapons to be healthy if they want to survive. I'm here to help, people.
|
 Tim Wilkins, www.timwilkins.com - One of the biggest complaints about the Affordable Care Act was the size of the bill itself. President Obama just announced though that they have managed to get the bill down from 2,200 pages to 1,600 and finally a mere 940. When asked how they accomplished that he said, "Simple, we reduced the font size." The government running healthcare sounds like a great idea, after all, they do such a bang up job with things like the DMV. The Obamacare bill was passed without ever reading it. Who knew I was so qualified to be a congressman? |